I thought this was an awesome discussion because THE CHURCH really don't talk about this stuff. And one of the women on the panel whose a reverend put it this way, "The reason it ain't being talked about in the church is because the people who are in authority to talk about it, are actually struggling with it themselves." (Somebody slap yo neighbor!) You got people in the church who proclaim to be ABOUT THAT LIFE. They out here feeding the needy, ministering to the homeless, evangelizing to the lost, but the minute you bring up SEX, they close the blinds and turn off the lights like you're a Jehovah's Witness that just rung their doorbell. (Iaint home!) All of a sudden they don't want NOTHING you selling! (No oils, dvds, or mp3s) And you might as well put up that invisible Watchtower pamphlet. Cuz they out here and they GETTIN IT and they gone treat you like you selling them something if your're going AGAINST their HUSTLE.
How do I know? Cuz she me her been there? So, I don't mind telling you this, see I tend to lose my virginity every two years. (Ha!) Yup I would go on these long stretches of abstinence, proclaiming my purity to the Lord. But the minute I reach that two year mark, I turn into a cat in heat. You know how a cat starts pulling up the carpet because their in heat, lol that beez me! I can pull the skin off the earth that's how HOT AND BOTHERED I start feeling. (OH LORD JESUS IT'S FIIIRE!) I'm fine that first year. I'm even good after a year and a half. But it's something about finishing year two out with a bang that makes my knees start to buckling. I'm locked and loaded. KITTY BANG RELOADED! ALL SYSTEMS GO! Lol.
During these "spells" I've noticed, I tend to attract the most attention. Why? Because of the air that I am giving off. I don't even have to dress provocative because the air itself is provocative enough, One particular season, I was attracting nothing but married men. I couldn't undestand it then. But sitting here now I realized what the case was; my signal was skewed. On one side, all I desired was to be married and give my love to my future husband. Then on another end, all I wanted was to be lassoed and PLUCKED! (did she just say plucked...um yeah) lol. I have been in God going on five years and this has happend THREE TIMES! (smh at the STRUGGLE!)
I'm not ashamed. Just a little disappointed because this last time (foreal this is the lastime for me mayne!) I was fighting. I was fighting so hard to hold on, Jesus! But I gave in because I was more concerned about making the guy that I was with, happy. I liked the way we meshed. I hadn't meshed with anyone in so long. It felt good to be in his company. So when he threatened to leave, I let him leave but he came back. And when he came back I decided to give him myself so that he wouldn't leave again. (whew chile!) Then, I couldn't STOP giving him myself. Shoot, it felt good . But after three months in that thang, I started feeling sick in my spirit. I suddenly was on the other side of the fence. The side of the fence where people pretended to be ABOUT THAT LIFE but wasn't living it.
Ladies and Gents, at the end of the day you have to decide, TO BE OR NOT TO BE ABOUT THAT LIFE?...THAT IS THE QUESTION! God wants ALL OF YOU! Not bits and pieces. For some people I've realized they are completely comfortable with dipping their chips in that SEX DIP and getting high off that SEX WEED because they never really was about that life anyway. Or better said, they ain't completely VESTED IN THE COMPANY (where God is the CEO). Their part time workers. Part time workers don't get benefits. They could actually sign up for benefits but they don't make enough. And they don't make enough because they ain't SACRIFICED ENOUGH! (somebody ask HOW YA LIVIN?) There has to come a point in your life where, the games you've been playing with God has to end! Where you wake up one day and say, "Hey I'm bout to go ALL IN!" Its hard I know, denying something that comes so natural. But it will be worth the SACRIFICE cuz you're fully covered when you're fully vested in the COMPANY! ;-). And God gives good benefits yo!
So looky here, the more I tried to bury my light to satisfy me and 'my honey boo boo' the more sick I was beginning to feel. I had to pull out. ABORT! ABORT! ABORT THE MISSION! Right now, I'm three and a half months into being pure and I have made up in my mind SERIOUSLY... I can't relapse again. I'm so done with it! I've learned my lesson. I'm tired! I've seen the pattern. I just have to pray harder and fast longer when that 2 year mark hits lol. Hopefully during that time I will be 'COURTING' my future husband. And when I come off that stretch I can finish it out with a BOOM! Cuz then I'd be celebrating with my HUSBAND! ;-) To be or not to be about that life?....That is the question!
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