Songs of Solomon 2:8
"Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills."
Well hello there! It's Misses Kill Your Vibes ALL 2019!!
And look a-here, tomorrow is Valentines Day. One of the most overrated, hyper worshipped, super advertised pagan holidays behind Christmas!
I HATE IT.
You don't even get that day off for work. Yet people get worked up off an imaginary naked angel baby shooting heart arrows at other loose people.
I do not have time for that kind of violence.
I never do. I never did.
Somehow I stumbled upon a section on my Facebook page that I thought no longer existed! So in 2009, as blogging begin to gain traction, Facebook would allow you a space to write notes. I would take advantage of it of course way before I started this page. It was pretty cool reading the stuff I wrote until I stumbled upon a host of love poems to some fantasy man god I'd molded from my imagination. They were beautiful pieces though. I kind of compared them to the Songs of Solomon on steroids.
I'm like. "Aw you poor little hopeless romantic, lovesick puppy you!" I wasn't in a relationship with anyone. I was just freshly saved and trying my hardest to untangle myself from the remnant of a toxic soul tie by replacing my feelings of rejection and abandonment with an idealized version of someone I could love.
And I would keep that same kind of energy later on, about 5 years from then to write the 50 love letters/poems I spoke of in my last post.
Speaking of my last post, No Sex in the Champagne Room, I encourage you to to go read it if you haven't already done so.
But yeah, I was obsessed with someone I'd never met. Using snapshots of my fantasy mate instead of the image of Christ, to vet any potential guy of interest.
It never worked. Ha!
Speaking of my last post, No Sex in the Champagne Room, I encourage you to to go read it if you haven't already done so.
But yeah, I was obsessed with someone I'd never met. Using snapshots of my fantasy mate instead of the image of Christ, to vet any potential guy of interest.
It never worked. Ha!
I spoke about this briefly too in DEATH TO BOAZ! Apparently, I've been crushing dreams for a very long time. Since I don't want anyone reading this to believe I'm some stoic human being stewing in bitterness and using my relationship with Jesus as a mask to hide how I really feel,
I want you to understand that I'm indeed, a woman who loves with her entire soul.
But I've had too many run-ins with generic renditions of love to have not been knocked into some emotional sobriety. Hence, sober minded self pulled her pretty little head out of the clouds which sparked me to empty my heart of its contents full of twisted scriptures and old-wives tales.
I had to come to grips with the reality that I'd been waiting for superman my entire life and once I got saved the desire seemingly became inflamed!
This pulsating penchant turned into an almost uncontrollable forest fire in my soul when I found myself facilitating a women's ministry, along with some other ladies under the supervision of my spiritual mother.
Mother madame, made it her duty to fan those flames instead of ushering us into deliverance.
I, as well as the other women who were all, but one, donning naked ring fingers, were in bondage to the idea that we would one day be "rescued" from the death grips of loneliness.
This was the first time in my life where the thought of being alone made me sick and depressed. I'd been sick and depressed over a lot of things but being alone wasn't one of them.
That is until, I became a part of this undercover coven.
Then I made the mistake of telling my spiritual mother that my last guy told me that I would die alone. She would play on that thing like a cat and the fiddle. My God!
I was so desperate to put a face to this fantasy that it became the air I breathed. I had no taste to study the word of God, as much as I once did. I only had an appetite to be in God's presence every now and then relying only on my reserve. Inevitably, I would deplete that reserve. And then an unexpected series of terrible interactions with someone I'd unknowingly been enchanted by, woke me all the way up.
It was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water on me.
And like that, the phantom of the opera, disappeared.
This was by far, one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! Yes!
Although painful as all homemade hell, I have caught myself since then, randomly bursting out in raw tears of gratitude. Thanking God for allowing it to happen.
You see sometimes, God has to break us, to wake us.
#Boop! That's a word!
Right now, God is not fond of the deliberate exploitation of His darling damsels.We women are the weaker vessel by virtue and inherently have a cavity in our hearts that makes us more prone to being taken advantaged of. That's why a lot of these women's conferences and events orated by male speakers are always filled to the rim because women don't have a problem submitting and being led into things. It started with Eve.
We as women need to stay connected to God to protect ourselves from enticements and luring traps of the enemy by cradling our vulnerabilities with persistence and rejecting fantasies that beckons them.
And we also need to understand that we don't need to be rescued by a man from anything if we are ourselves taking control of our own lives.
Look here though, I've volunteered to be the bearer of bad news.
Contrary to the popular belief, God is NOT fashioning you for a man. If you're reading this and you're single, you're not single because He's taking His time to create your mate!
I used to believe all of this too, until one night not too long after God allowed me to be broken in half by a nightmare selling a dream, He asked me,
"If you were to never get married, would you still love Me?"
Wew...
My weeping triggered by the awareness that I didn't get what I thought I wanted quickly shifted to weeping because God had revealed to me His broken heart for me.
Here I was balling my eyes out over a mirage and God was there waiting for me to come back to Him, because He didn't have me anymore.
My fantasy had me.
Now, back to that spoonful of cod liver oil I gave you. It's going to leave a bad after taste for a minute. But hear me out here, I'm not saying that there isn't possibly a prospective candidate out there suitable for you. I'm saying, that your singlehood is not contingent upon this. Your singlehood is just that. Your singlehood.
We have so many women sitting in these churches serving and slaying the scenes waiting on superman. Exhausting all of their resources to be "coached" on how to be found by him.
Meanwhile, God waits in close proximity wondering who wants to be found by Him.
Yes, God cares about your cares. He has recorded all of your tears. But can you imagine the kind of pain He must endure as He collects all of your tears knowing they are not for Him.
I tell you this, all of the sorrows of the world could not compare to that kind of pain.
God doesn't have to introduce us to mates.
He will if He willed it.
Your value doesn't decrease if He doesn't will it.
Everyone that God joined as a couple in the Bible were done so intentionally.
There was a purpose and a plan for every connection.
I don't know God's mathematics as it pertains to that, today.
However, I do know this, if you're actually trying to live a pure life and the last person you laid with is the last person you will ever lay with, your focus nevertheless should be laying your life down for God and that's it. Or is that too hard to grasp?
If you never serve in the capacity as a wife and fellas if you never serve in the capacity of a husband, would you still be content with serving God, regardless?
If a soul of the opposite sex never recognizes you as someone they would like to spend the rest of their lives with, could you be fine with spending the rest of your life being recognized by God in other ways?
You should have felt your heart jerk a little bit.
Good.
It's time to answer these kind of hard questions so that you can tear down these long standing idols blocking God from getting close to you and to stop these lonely jitters from haunting you.
You're not as close to Him as you think you are if you've been waiting to propose or to be proposed by someone.
Go ahead and give God this part of your heart.
It won't be the end of the world.
I want you to understand that I'm indeed, a woman who loves with her entire soul.
But I've had too many run-ins with generic renditions of love to have not been knocked into some emotional sobriety. Hence, sober minded self pulled her pretty little head out of the clouds which sparked me to empty my heart of its contents full of twisted scriptures and old-wives tales.
I had to come to grips with the reality that I'd been waiting for superman my entire life and once I got saved the desire seemingly became inflamed!
This pulsating penchant turned into an almost uncontrollable forest fire in my soul when I found myself facilitating a women's ministry, along with some other ladies under the supervision of my spiritual mother.
Mother madame, made it her duty to fan those flames instead of ushering us into deliverance.
I, as well as the other women who were all, but one, donning naked ring fingers, were in bondage to the idea that we would one day be "rescued" from the death grips of loneliness.
This was the first time in my life where the thought of being alone made me sick and depressed. I'd been sick and depressed over a lot of things but being alone wasn't one of them.
That is until, I became a part of this undercover coven.
Then I made the mistake of telling my spiritual mother that my last guy told me that I would die alone. She would play on that thing like a cat and the fiddle. My God!
I was so desperate to put a face to this fantasy that it became the air I breathed. I had no taste to study the word of God, as much as I once did. I only had an appetite to be in God's presence every now and then relying only on my reserve. Inevitably, I would deplete that reserve. And then an unexpected series of terrible interactions with someone I'd unknowingly been enchanted by, woke me all the way up.
It was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water on me.
And like that, the phantom of the opera, disappeared.
This was by far, one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! Yes!
Although painful as all homemade hell, I have caught myself since then, randomly bursting out in raw tears of gratitude. Thanking God for allowing it to happen.
You see sometimes, God has to break us, to wake us.
#Boop! That's a word!
Right now, God is not fond of the deliberate exploitation of His darling damsels.We women are the weaker vessel by virtue and inherently have a cavity in our hearts that makes us more prone to being taken advantaged of. That's why a lot of these women's conferences and events orated by male speakers are always filled to the rim because women don't have a problem submitting and being led into things. It started with Eve.
We as women need to stay connected to God to protect ourselves from enticements and luring traps of the enemy by cradling our vulnerabilities with persistence and rejecting fantasies that beckons them.
And we also need to understand that we don't need to be rescued by a man from anything if we are ourselves taking control of our own lives.
Look here though, I've volunteered to be the bearer of bad news.
Contrary to the popular belief, God is NOT fashioning you for a man. If you're reading this and you're single, you're not single because He's taking His time to create your mate!
I used to believe all of this too, until one night not too long after God allowed me to be broken in half by a nightmare selling a dream, He asked me,
"If you were to never get married, would you still love Me?"
Wew...
My weeping triggered by the awareness that I didn't get what I thought I wanted quickly shifted to weeping because God had revealed to me His broken heart for me.
Here I was balling my eyes out over a mirage and God was there waiting for me to come back to Him, because He didn't have me anymore.
My fantasy had me.
Now, back to that spoonful of cod liver oil I gave you. It's going to leave a bad after taste for a minute. But hear me out here, I'm not saying that there isn't possibly a prospective candidate out there suitable for you. I'm saying, that your singlehood is not contingent upon this. Your singlehood is just that. Your singlehood.
We have so many women sitting in these churches serving and slaying the scenes waiting on superman. Exhausting all of their resources to be "coached" on how to be found by him.
Meanwhile, God waits in close proximity wondering who wants to be found by Him.
Yes, God cares about your cares. He has recorded all of your tears. But can you imagine the kind of pain He must endure as He collects all of your tears knowing they are not for Him.
I tell you this, all of the sorrows of the world could not compare to that kind of pain.
God doesn't have to introduce us to mates.
He will if He willed it.
Your value doesn't decrease if He doesn't will it.
Everyone that God joined as a couple in the Bible were done so intentionally.
There was a purpose and a plan for every connection.
I don't know God's mathematics as it pertains to that, today.
However, I do know this, if you're actually trying to live a pure life and the last person you laid with is the last person you will ever lay with, your focus nevertheless should be laying your life down for God and that's it. Or is that too hard to grasp?
If you never serve in the capacity as a wife and fellas if you never serve in the capacity of a husband, would you still be content with serving God, regardless?
If a soul of the opposite sex never recognizes you as someone they would like to spend the rest of their lives with, could you be fine with spending the rest of your life being recognized by God in other ways?
You should have felt your heart jerk a little bit.
Good.
It's time to answer these kind of hard questions so that you can tear down these long standing idols blocking God from getting close to you and to stop these lonely jitters from haunting you.
You're not as close to Him as you think you are if you've been waiting to propose or to be proposed by someone.
Go ahead and give God this part of your heart.
It won't be the end of the world.
Amen and amen. One of the things that I had to come to grips with in my life with Christ is facing that same question, would I be content being single if that is God's Will for me? I had to digest that thing regardless of how big a horse pill it was. Once I fully committed to God and surrendered my desires to Him, then He could make me the woman He predestined for purpose.
ReplyDelete