A DARK SIDE

Woop woop! I'm still feeling the high from this weekend! Plus I was on a mini vacation so I'm feeling really nice and refreshed! So how was you all's Memorial Day? Grand? Mines was too even though I spent my holiday in solitary confinement. lol I couldn't go anywhere foreal! I think I updated my status on facebook once. Why? My writing held me captive yo! (If you're a writer you feel me)

Anybody'swho, I haven't been paying attention to the news lately so I was extremely shocked to hear that the guy who shot and killed six month old Jonylah Watkins a few months ago, turned himself in this past Saturday. I was relieved to hear the good news that the streets was rid of one more monster. So initially we all suspected and the police concluded that the baby was not the intended target, that in fact it was her father (who actually survived the shooting). If this doesn't disturb you, brace yourself for this, the guy who shot and killed little Jonylah apparently confessed (according to the news) that he wanted to kill her father over....(wait for it....wait for it...) a stolen game console! o_0 SAY WHAT? Yes chile! A precious little princess lost her life over a damn game console! SICKENING!
 

Come on  NOW WHY YOU WANNA GO AND DO THAT? So it never occurred to buddy that maybe shooting this man needed to be reconsidered when he saw the baby? Or was he so blind with RAGE that he didn’t care. Never mind the fact that this baby was shot more than the father, but it is quite evident this man lacked SELF CONTROL! Somebody HELP ME! HELP ME PLEASE!
 
I have hypothesized that everyone, YES EVERYONE, has a DARK SIDE. You know how Dr. Jekyll would turn into Mr. Hyde or Dr. Bruce Banner into Incredible Hulk? Welp, we all have that issue. Some people depending on how they were RAISED, have a more darker side than others. I’m not even really ashamed to admit that I know I have A DARK SIDE. Mine is very violent, conniving, and manipulative. I've never actually seen this dark side in the LIGHT but I know for a fact I have one. How? Because of where my mind goes when something I don't like happens to me. Don't let somebody make a mistake and wrong me, I turn into a mental LUNATIC! Sometimes it's hard to calm it down. Nevertheless I find ways to arrest my disturbing thoughts before they cause me to act on them. The only thing I have done was verbally attack people. But I've gotten better with that as well. I have been able to suppress that.  And that my friends is what we call SELF CONTROL!

  "Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28

Back to THE GAME CONSOLE KILLER! I was expressing to someone how retarded this dude had to be and how now he's going to probably spend the rest of his life in jail! That someone told me, "Well you know, almost half the people in jail are in there because they acted off their emotions." And you know that person was ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! How many of you all can say that there are some things you have done in your life, choices you've made that were only based on your emotions? Like, "Well I FEEL this way so I'm gone do that." "Such and such made me FEEL this way, so I'm gone do that." How many times have you acted solely on anger and wound up suffering consequences that had you sitting there looking STUPID? SILLY WABBIT!

Proverbs 25:28 is a perfect illustration for showing how VULNERABLE one is when they have lost control of their actions. One of my mottos I tend to live by is, "IF YOU DON'T THINK BEFORE YOU ACT...YOU DIE!" Plain and simple! Kind of an extreme motto to live by, but hey this is coming from someone who is aware she has A HULKALINA living on the second floor of her psyche. Which is also what I believe is a problem too. Some of us are in denial or don't even know we have A DARK SIDE. So the initial way to establish SELF CONTROL is becoming AWARE! You can't be healed if you don't first admit YOU'RE SICK! My pastor said it this way to my church a ways back, "You can't be delivered from something if you don't know you are a slave to that something." BOOM!

I ride my bike, sit at the lake often, paint, listen to music, sing, watch funny things on tv, play with my dog, cook new stuff and the list goes on. But I do these things not just for amusement but as a source to RELEASE TENSION. When it comes to the level of tension that I absorb, it varies. I work with the public and I'm around people ALL THE TIME so you can guess where the bulk of my stress, anger, and anxiety comes from. So I NEED MULTIPLE AVENUES to LET GO! I can't forget to add prayer, meditation, and worship. These things take me to a new level of FREEDOM! I'm not sure if this DARK SIDE will ever go away but I do know God has given me a high dosage of PEACE. Nothing really bothers me anymore or shall I say nothing provokes my DARK SIDE to emerge. If you are struggling with SELF CONTROL and unable to calm yourself down when agitated or disturbed, I suggest you do what I am doing and find ways to release tension in a more HEALTHY FASHION. But make sure first ( because the process will be much easier) that you are aware that you have A DARK SIDE!