So I took a short break to finish out my path of consecration last week. I embarked upon a 21 day FAST with my supervisor and her church. The fast was to be considered a RESET for our spirits and LORD KNOWS I needed one. I decided I would DENY food from sun up to sun down. (6am-6pm) TALK ABOUT THE STRUGGLE. Not only was I fasting to RESET my spirit, I was fasting for CLARITY, CONFIDENCE, AND PEACE. The first week of my fast was a war in my EMOTIONS. I cried so much YO! Then to make it worse the areas I was expecting God to make moves were the same areas I was struggling in (WORK and my LOVE LIFE!) Everything and anything was thrown at me all at once. I remember telling myself, “If the next two weeks will be anything like this week, I’m not going to make it.”
The second week was all PHYSICAL. My asthma and allergies were kicking my tail mayne! Some days I would feel sick. My hunger pangs were OFF THE CHAIN too! Once the sun went down I would SWALLOW MY FOOD lol and pass out cuz my energy levels were very low. I really had NO DESIRE to do anything! But get this, the emotional war hadn’t subsided either. So by week two I was fighting TWO WARS, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL. Oh and I can’t forget to mention that the devil paid me visits OFTEN. He tried to convince me to break my fast and when I turned his offer down, he came back and tried to convince me to KILL MYSELF! Say what? YES CHILE! He showed me the knife and I’m not gone sit here and fake the funk, I got up and got the knife. But I fooled his ballheaded self and used the knife to get a brownie from my cupcake pan. LOL!!!! Somebody say. ‘Sike ya mind, yo booty shine!” BOOM!
By week three, MY LAST WEEK, I’m like “Yo, something has to change! I’m going at this so wrong!” It really didn’t make any sense to me that the devil was even able to get that close to me and I had YET to hear anything from God! But I figured out why this was happening. Now, if you have time to reread the two previous paragraphs, do it right now for me. Now tell me what was I missing? Don’t worry, I’ll wait. (CUE THE ELEVATOR MUSIC MAESTRO!) ……….--------------------……this is a test….this is only a test….beeeeeeepp------------------…….........
HA! Ok, real talk, did you see it? What was I missing? >>> PRAYER!<<< During this entire consecration I believe I prayed like four times. o_0. 21 days and you only prayed FOUR TIMES TANZY? Smh. You got to be kidding me! That’s why I will not hesitate to admit, MY PRAYER LIFE SUCKS! I pray but I don’t PRAY OFTEN. I know how to pray but I don’t know how to be CONSISTENT with it. I believe in the POWER OF PRAYER but I don’t believe in the power of MY PRAYERS! And this is what I discovered during the third week. A new fight erupted in me, A SPIRITUAL FIGHT.
Three fights in one is bound to send the most grounded Christian crashing to their knees like a femalien that don’t know how to walk in 5 inch stilettos. BOOM! (don’t look at me fam, SHE ME HER don’t have that problem!) But this is only true if PRAYER IS ABSENT! I almost fell y'all and I almost failed! Things started to look up for me though, especially after being fed during bible study. I went home that night and poured myself out to God. I just asked for HIM and HIM ONLY. No longer focusing on MY AGENDA during the remainder of this fast, cuz doing this kept me from realizing that,YES, MY PRAYER LIFE SUCKS. I just let HIM know, “I want all of YOU GOD!” I thought about this, when you’re in a relationship with someone they’re going to want to HEAR YOUR VOICE more than just READING YOUR TEXT MESSAGES! I came to the conclusion that me and God are in a full time exclusive relationship, but I’ve been relying on TEXTING him aka PRAISE AND WORSHIP for a while and God wanted to HEAR from me. Furthermore, I’d decided to get naked for HIM aka FASTING but I hadn't invited HIM to touch me through PRAYER!
See PRAYER, is like a MASTER KEY to a HOST OF DOORS. PRAYER is like a SPIRITUAL PROTECTOR that covers you during WARFARE. It's like weights to a weightlifter, it increases your stamina. But it can only be used for the purposes intended if it is actually USED and USED CONSISTENTLY. MY PRAYER LIFE SUCKS because I lack DISCIPLINE as well. Over the weekend I decided that I NEED to create a habit out of praying PERIOD. Doesn’t matter when and it doesn’t matter where, I just need to PRAY! I should never hear from the devil more than I do God because PRAYER believe it or not keeps him further away. Get this I was so serious about this, I told someone that I'd be getting up a half hour early to talk to God. Tell me why Sunday night I only had five hours of sleep and couldn't get up to save my life! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "PRAY WITHOUT CEASING." And I'm out here LACKIN"! I got to do better y'all! I NEED TO DO BETTER! I WANT TO DO BETTER! If you feel me JOIN THE BETTER MOVEMENT! YEAH!
Recently I had someone come to me at church and asked me to pray for his friend. You know he told me that he believed I could get through to God better than he could. All I could think was like, "Who me?" How is that he BELIEVES my prayers can get through to God for his friend and I CAN'T even BELIEVE my prayers can get through to God for my dang on self! See that's what I'm talking about yo! I noticed that night when I poured my all out to God and DEMANDED he continue to talk to me even when I get so caught up in "DOING ME', that something happened....THAT'S ALL HE'S BEEN DOING. This forces me to stay at least one ear in. Forces me to tune out distractions and talk to him without even ever moving my lips. This is an awesome ability to have. Henceforth I won't say MY PRAYER LIFE SUCKS because now I am making baby steps to ensure that it doesn't! BOOM!
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