Enough with all of my maniacal rambling, I must discuss the matter at hand. SOMEBODY GOTTA DIE! (In my Notorious B.I.G voice lol) One faithful Wednesday evening during bible study my wonderful pastor was talking to us about DIVINE DISTURBANCES and he must have mentioned that something in our lives would have to die in order for something NEW to be birthed in that season. I was standing in agreement with my pastor. But hear this, while I was nodding my head in agreement, I really truly believed that I had passed that phase of allowing things to die in my life. So to be honest, I thought I was good. NOT!!!
God hit me dead upside the head a few days later with something that disturbed my little life. Guess what He told me? He said, "Tanzy Alexis, you're IMMATURE." SAY WHAT? Yes chile, God told me I was as immature as my Sunday school babies. Yeah He TREATED MY WHOLE LIFE to the point I had no choice but to have me SEVERAL SEATS. lol After sitting in those seats, He didn’t say anything else, BUT OH DID HE SHOW ME! He showed me all the tantrums I have been throwing this year alone. The fusses I have been making when I haven’t necessarily gotten my way. My reactions to people telling me what to do. And all the MAD ISH I’ve been talking when my attempts of manipulating situations didn’t work in my favor. WAIT, it doesn’t end there, He showed me the hissy fit I made when my best friend found her first love, messed around and got married, and left me! Y’all He magnified that super salty face I made. HA!
Until this point I would have chewed you a new one if you told me I was immature. My response would have been, “Don’t come for me! Don’t come for me unless I send for you!” (In my pastor’s voice lol) And would you look at this, not too long age, I was dating someone that was much older than me. We rarely argued but when we did he would say, “You’re immature.” I would fire back at him because I just assumed he was only saying that because of our age difference. Lo and behold, I would have never guessed a whole season and a half later, I would be hearing that from God. I mean, I thought God was on my side.
But you see, He IS on my side. He got my back yo! More than anybody or anything, God got me. So then, He spoke after showing me my gag reel. He said, “Tanzy the next phase of this journey requires that immature, bratty, sometimes haughty Tanzy Alexis be taken off life support.” I couldn’t really argue with Him. I mean I had no defense after all that evidence he laid on the table. I had to accept the fact that, SOMEBODY GOTTA DIE!
Those parts of me that need to die are what’s holding me back. The gospel hymm that I heard as I was typing this has words that say, “Every round goes higher and higher…” And there’s a saying that goes, “New levels reveal new devils.” The higher the round, I have noticed I start to turn into my WORST ENEMY when I am not careful. I can be my biggest villain when I am not even aware of it. So I started to feel bad and I didn’t feel so confident anymore. But God reassured me of who I was. I’m a King’s Kid of course but I’m not a tyrant. King’s Kids know what they deserve. Tyrants have an air of entitlement. King’s Kids are confident. Tyrants are arrogant. BOOM!
I was watching something on T.V. and this guy told this girl, “Confidence is knowing that you are good. Arrogance is believing that everybody else knows you are good.” Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? I concluded, pretty much that that’s the bulk of where my immaturity comes from, ARROGANCE or lack of humility. Man though, its so easy to lose some of your humility, I’m seeing. That’s why its so important to STAY at God’s feet.
Luke 9:23-24 (NIV)
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
You should read that scripture a few more times. Denying yourself means giving up EVERYTHING that yo’ baldheaded flesh thinks it deserve. You actually don’t deserve ANYTHING! Did you know that? You following God is the reason you have what you DO HAVE. But the only way you can continue to reap benefits that you don’t deserve is by staying in God’s GRACE and thus getting rid of all the stuff that can possibly get in the way of you following Him.
For example, say someone has asked you to tag behind them to give you something they really want to give you. Now say you’re doing good at following them but then all of a sudden eight people have gotten in between you and the person that you’re following. Just imagine how irritated you might feel. So why can’t you get irritated that there are people in your way? To make it worse those people are pretty much extensions of YOU AND YOU ONLY! The good thing is, you have been given permission to kill these popped people. KILL EM DEAD!
Ok, so you might be reading this and wonder, well that hasn’t happened to me. It ain’t happening to me! God hasn’t told me SOMEBODY GOTTA DIE. He hasn't given me no hit list, does that mean I’m fine? Maybe, maybe not. I suggest you ask Him. Ask Him to show you areas of yourself that need to DIE! Trust if it does, God will make sure He lets it be known. So until its revealed, I ask that y’all keep me lifted! Shawty got a BRAT TO KILL yo! It's a GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD! SOMEBODY GOTTA DIE!
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