One of my favorite Disney shows as a teenager was That’s So Raven. Ha! Don’t try to act like you didn’t like that show either! It was fun and funny, especially because Raven played by Raven Simone from the Cosby Show, would always find herself in crazy situations. This show was also different because Raven had the ability to see glimpses of the future. I remember wishing I had that ability. I was 14 at the time and all I really wanted to know was, “What will my life look like in the future?” “Will I look better, feel better, and BE BETTER off than I am now/” These were questions I often wondered if anybody else asked themselves at my age.
So yeah, on Raven’s show, right before Raven would do something major she would be provoked to stop what she was doing and BAM there was the image of her doing something in the future. Most of the time these visions were just a few seconds long and there was no other explanation or extra detail given. Raven had to figure out HOW to make that vision come to pass by carrying on with her life. And it never failed, someway somehow, Miss Raven seemed to screw things up all the way until she became the vision she’d seen. That was the funny part!
Writing this post now at the age of 27, I am in awe. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. I’m super happy that I am morphing into the woman that I always wanted to be, CONFIDENT, FEALESS, BEAUTIFUL, AND INTELLIGENT. Back then I never knew exactly what I wanted for myself but I know for sure I would see visions of MY BETTER SELF! I would hold these visions close to me. I would straddle them, stand on them, and BELIEVE on them. And just like Raven, I would find myself making mistakes and screwing things up, sometimes forgetting that I was on a mission to be, see, and do BETTER. But I thank God for those screw ups and mistakes. I learned a lot about myself which inevitably believe it or not played a part in my metamorphosis. Yes honey!
Despite all of that, despite the victory of making my 14 year old me PROUD, yup, for the last two years I have discovered a new disappointment, a new form of sadness, the bitter feeling of living an UNFULFILLED LIFE.
Yes, I published my first novel this year, I cut heads off demons the same age as me, conquered some massive fears but to be honest y’all, I’m not happy. Things aren’t going as well I would have expected. I don’t feel like I’m living the life that Jesus said He came to give us, you know, that ABUNDANT LIFE. I feel like I’m in the ocean on a surfboard just sitting in the water while everybody else is surfing on waves and splashing all about. I feel like a car sitting in the mud and stuck in reverse.
I’ve been crying entirely TOO MUCH this year, rushing home just to hide under the covers, TOO MUCH this year, taking medicine to help me sleep, TOO MUCH this year, been utterly confused and discombobulated, TOO MUCH this year. trying to fit in TOO MUCH this year, been angry TOO MUCH this year, fighting with people so they can understand me, TOO MUCH this year. SMH at the struggle.
All of this in retrospect sparked a VISION that stopped me DEAD IN MY TRACKS. The BLURRED LINES turned into a crystal clear image of MY FUTURE! It was like my vision was stuck in analog and all of a sudden, digital television at its finest was brought to me. Mind you, what I saw was a RERUN! God had already showed me this thing in the spring but I shot it down because the BLURRED LINES kept me from seeing the whole picture. But a series of fortunate events, one involving a divine setup for my bestfriend and I to reconnect and strengthen our bond, was like me agreeing with God that I needed to be switched from basic analog T.V. to digital T.V. and VOILA! He threw away the popped antennae, switched me over and the first thing on the screen was a RERUN! Would you look at that?
I have discovered that we tend to do things for ourselves and others to make LIFE EASIER but we never tend to harness the technique of doing things to make OUR LIVES BETTER. Aren’t you tired of living a mundane LIFE? Are you not the least bit annoyed by the BLURRED LINES? You’ve fallen into this routine that you have become comfortable with but did you know that this routine is sucking the LIFE OUT OF YOU? Your head’s been cocked to the side just to make out the images hiding behind the BLURRED LINES, I know your neck HAS to be in pain right now!
Habakkuk 2:2
“And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.”
I don’t know about y’all but I’m about to run like Walter Peyton with this vision. I’m not playing yo! This vision involves me going to a place where I won’t know anybody or anything. That’s kind of scary yet exciting at the same time! I will be an ALIEN. But I have ALWAYS felt like an alien in this familiar territory so what would be the difference between being an alien in unfamiliar territory? I probably will have a better chance of being accepted. But I’m not even worried about that. I’m moreso concerned about MY HAPPINESS and transforming my life in a way that I can FEEL AND BE BETTER! I want to experience JOY! And you know since coming into full agreement with this vision, I have been injected with powerful doses of JOY! I want to feel this forever! So I’m waving bye bye to those BLURRED LINES and saying hello to a clear view of a JOYFUL ABUNDANT LIFE! BOOM! You feel me?
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