Two Chains

Psalm 107:14 

He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. I sat in the office of my pastor at the time as he tenderly convinced me out of sending a letter to my ex-lover, whom had crushed my soul to pieces.  Drunk off of this false courage after having only been saved a hot minute, I felt compelled to let this man know, get this, that I forgave him.

Looking back, I can see how this notion was by far one of the dumbest things I would have added to my already full shelf of absent-minded decisions. The smartest thing I really did was ask my pastor's input before I acted. 

I don't recall everything that my pastor said to me to talk some sense into my pretty little skull, except for bringing me into the understanding that forgiveness is not about the offender but the offended. Forgiveness is not about the victimizer but it's for the victim. That small part set my fresh Christian and cute "I forgive you," letter on fire and burned it to a pitiful ashy heap.   

Needless to say, I'd concluded that I didn't forgive him at all. I was just seeking some form of recompense and indemnity. I don't think I came into full forgiveness of this person until about a year or so later. But I then would find myself, little did I know taking repeat courses in forgiveness classes partly as a result of my own rebellion and immaturity. 

I recorded a live video sometime last year speaking on forgiveness and how it is the hardest thing for believers to do. But why? When the gospel we should be living by is none other than a huge pardon for us. So why won't we engage in forgiveness? Or why is forgiving those especially who've trespassed against us like removing an impacted wisdom tooth? 

I want to believe that it is as simple yet complicated as us being gluttons for punishment and pain. We are addicted to the episodes of our past because out present is uncontrollable and our future is unforeseen. Therefore, we engross ourselves in the rehearsals of the shoulda, coulda, woulda's with the hope that we will win an academy award for our imaginary performance. Somehow we believe that if we condition our minds that there was something we could have done to change the outcome then we'd be better off.

Oh, poor little tink tinks!

In this, the enemy succeeds in his method to keep us bound by trapping us with not one

  chain but two chains. When we can't forgive ourselves, that's one chain and when we don't forgive others, that's two chains. Then these two chains do nothing but hinder mobility and also weakens the potency of our gifts. Isn't that something? 

There was one particular incident where I'd been shockingly ripped to ruins by a previous pastor. Near death in shame and defeat, I showed up to church for Sunday service to ensure that the sound system was right and to take my place in the praise team to worship as I was so used to doing. Though my heart was already broken in half, I believe those half's broke in half when I heard the sound that came out of my mouth to worship. The sound no longer came from a place of pureness and joy but pain and unforgiveness.  I was no longer singing to God but to the audience including my pastor who'd all to me felt like enemies and not my brethren. How ironic that I could make sure the sound system of the church was right but I hadn't managed to check my heart's sound system. How uncanny that I knew how to take my physical place but I had forgot my spiritual posture. 

Unchecked pain tends to bring on selective amnesia even tag teaming with pride, initiating our inability to forgive. Though the first shock of the pain inflicted on me changed the sound of my gift, my decision to continue to sit in that environment that remained hostile toward me would eventually mold my gift into something that I could no longer recognize. The environment did not foster healing or forgiveness. Thus my gift was disfigured, practically morphing from a beautiful harp and flute to a rusty sounding brass and tinkling cymbal.

But I'll give you this though, because I can actually hear Holy Spirit talking to me now, for some of you, it wasn't your fault. I REPEAT THIS, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! What happened wasn't your liability. Yet the present condition of your heart is your doing. It happened! It is up to you to find the strength to slide these chains off of you. Something in you is going to have to click because you can't stay this way. Matter of fact, you do have a choice, you can stay this way. But you can't stay this way and think you're going to be prosperous and fulfilled in the kingdom. All of these aspirations and dreams that you have, requires that there be no ounce of unforgiveness in you. 

This unforgiveness has to be dissolved and passed through the bowels of your flesh and out of your spirit honestly before you will ever receive an apology. I have to tell you, you're probably NOT going to get an apology. The most you might receive is a wave or "Hello." But that right there is an absolute stretch! So you can't wait on an apology. 

I saw this quote somewhere, not sure who's the author that says, "Forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." 

Look here! If that isn't the truth, I don't know what it is. Right now I'm seeing it, we have so many believers spiritually and naturally drinking poison in hopes that one day the person who hurt them will feel the pain that they inflicted on them. I know my poison looked like engaging in a feverish campaign to prove that I was worthy by overextending myself in other people's projects. I was saying "Yes," and "Sure," to everything until my fatigued soul arrested my physical self forcing me to have several seats.

  Galatians 5:1 

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.

Anything that prohibits you from experiencing the fullness of your salvation and the maturity of your gifts, is slavery. Unforgiveness promotes your lack of freedom. How possibly can you say you're truly free, if you're living in your past? If you're having whole conversations, arguments, and debates, with the ghosts of your painful experiences? You do know that some of your perpetrators are probably out here living their best life while you're shackled to a shell of who they were and may no longer be. Your past has restrictions because of it's expiration date. You can't make a present move in past tense and you can't make past tense a present move. Unforgiveness, is the ultimate spiritual immobilizer. You must choose to be free by accepting that everything that has happened to you on up to right now, made you who you are. Now it's just up to you to loose these two chains.