Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
Doesn't it seem like Hollywood makes revenge look so good? Some of the greatest box office hits involve people who took matters into their own hands to avenge a wrong or even the death of someone close to them. I have too many of these movies old and new to name that are actually on my personal list of favorites. It's just something about watching the bad guy get what he deserves! Ha!
I believe it was the summer of 2008 when a friends with benefits relationship blew all the way up in my face. This on again, off again situationship had already taken it's toll on me emotionally anyway but I was holding on to it for dear life because in my naivete I was hoping it would work.
Welp, this particular night I got hit in the face with a stop sign and the plug to this dying relationship was pulled. I'd so happen to interject an argument between my situation-bae and his friend. Because my input wasn't in his favor, he turned his sword on me. He went on to say some very hurtful things to me that broke me down so bad.
It was like he'd doused my heart with gasoline and blow torched it. He told me that I was unattractive, I wasn't girlfriend material, and that I came off as weak. Then he made it a point to share that he never saw me as a girlfriend and that he'd actually already had a girlfriend whom was on her way from another state to move in with him permanently.
And when I tell you, I wanted to claw him to shreds. I wanted to bust his head open to the white meat. I knew where all of his knives were in the kitchen because I was always the one washing his dishes! I wanted to get one and stab him in his heart. I was so dizzy with anger, I had no words to throw back at him. I mean what could I say? All of these feelings bombrushed my eyes and flooded down my face. Not only did I feel betrayed by him, I felt betrayed by my emotions. Here I was crying in front of a man who'd just told me, he thought I was weak.
I ran out of his house through the back door and sat on the porch bawling. I felt so stupid. The pit of my soul was boiling in shame and agony. I really wanted him to hurt as much I was hurting at that moment. I thought about how my situation was a perfect recipe to make a sweet episode of Snapped! And I thought, "This is why those women went ape-ish! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He needs to pay for my pain. Because I didn't ask for this!"
But I snapped out of my morose trance and went back inside. Believe it or not, this unfortunate event would be what sparked a light that revealed a path leading me back to God after having been openly estranged from Him for 13 years.
Funny how the proverbial cookie crumbles...
Anyway, though I did not inflict any bodily harm to this man creature, nor did I vandalize his property, go up to his job to pick a fight, or spread nasty rumors about him, (Things I REALLY wanted to do!) I did wake up every day for months spitting venom on his name. I prayed against him prospering in any endeavor. I prayed against his relationship with the girl he moved into his home. I stalked his Facebook page as well as his girlfriend's page, cursing everything.
Guess what happened?
He broke up with his girlfriend and came back to me. He invited me back into his life and the toxic relationship was ON, again. #Tragic I didn't care that I'd not too long ago given my life to God. In my mind, my relationship with God was too fresh for me to give up my relationship with this guy, despite the fact that it was the reason I'd contemplated suicide prior to me making my decision to be with God. Crazy right?
However, my re-entrance into this spiderweb would be short lived. One day I went to see him before going to work, and I don't know what triggered this conversation but he shared with me that he'd met someone at a church he'd joined and he believed he found...his wife!
Have you ever been so angry to the point you started laughing?
That was definitely my internal response.
He told me she was everything he wanted in a wife. She was saved, pretty with long hair, and she was a virgin. My flesh burned with jealousy and rage.
I wanted to rip him to pieces all over again!
That's what I get though. I ordered this tall cold glass of rejection. It was like deja-vu. I woke up every day for almost a year doing the same thing I did the first time he tore my heart out of my chest. I spit venom on his name. I prayed against him prospering in any endeavor. I prayed against his relationship with this little perfect church girl. I stalked his and her Facebook page, cursing everything. I wanted revenge so bad but I was too hurt to really do anything extreme. I still made a ritual out of my dysfunctional witch-like behavior.
Today, I sit here knowing for a fact that my life would be very different had I acted out any physical plots of revenge. Yet just because I didn't do anything physically, I still let my mouth go on a murderous rampage of which I would inevitably reap for later on. Thanks to God's grace and His mercy, my reaping was not nearly as bad as it should have been. I can attest to this, that even though it may seem like people are getting away scot-free for the bad things they've done, they will NOT!
And if you for one second think that getting revenge will make you feel better, it will not! The pain will subside for a minute but it will come back with its own vengeance. Moreover, you will only have set yourself up to reap for what you've done. The saying goes, "Two wrongs will never make a right." That right there is basic mathematics. Take a negative number and add it to another negative number. What will the sum be?
A greater negative number.
Whenever we feel the urge to seek vengeance in any form, we step ahead of God and automatically become hapless beneficiaries of the harsh consequences that come by way of doing such. Of all the promises God laid before us in His word, of all the wonderful things He says we can have and do, we would rather put them on hold for a short stint, to satiate our flesh by avenging more often than not our dead hurt feelings. There are people in jail right now, who lost their precious freedom over revenge.
Just this year alone, I've read news stories of people enacting vengeance on others. I've even seen up and down my newsfeed, friends airing out their supposed friends' dirty laundry, posting screenshots of heated text messages going back and forward, and sharing memes about no longer treating people how you want to be treated, but treating people how they've treated you. For people of the world, this is normal behavior, but a lot of this stuff I see are coming from fellow siblings of Christ.
Just a bunch of broken bricks everywhere!
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you of your sins.
I get it though. This is why I was very transparent in the beginning of this post because I totally get it! Listen to me, one of the most miserable places you can be is in a place where you've allowed an offense to cause you to step outside of yourself and to stoop to low depths to repay a person. I honestly think that people who claim to be believers but are active seekers of revenge do not really have as close of a relationship with God as they believe or even portray.
Real talk, my venomous tongue and thoughts of revenge were not muzzled until I joined the choir at the church I was a member of at that time. I couldn't be a worshiper and a slicked tongue viper at the same time! Because first, I had to become acquainted with the One I was singing about and to, and then I had to memorize the words to these songs I was singing. It was becoming virtually impossible to continue to spit word curses out of my mouth and bless the Lord with the same mouth. So, I transitioned from rehearsing low-key ways to be vengeful, to seeking God for forgiveness!
I was wrong for allowing the dark side of my heart to call the shots. I was wrong for setting spiritual waste fires and boobie-traps around this man's camp. I was engaged in an illegal, unauthorized contract with a man who I was not even exclusively mutual with nor was he my husband and I had the nerve to amplify my victimization.
In this, I turned into a little witch.
Seeking forgiveness would require me to bury these ways.
Then the years to follow I would have a few run ins with my old vengeful self during times where I felt I'd been wronged and I had to immediately send that young lady back to the grave where I buried her! Keeping her buried means that I have to stay hip to hip with God, because since 2008 I've experienced some injustices that would justify ruining LIVES!
Wew chile! BUT GOD!
I read an article by a clinical psychologist and in it he pointed out how, revenge is predominantly emotional; justice primarily rational, revenge is an act of vindictiveness; justice, of vindication, revenge is about cycles; justice about closure and revenge is about retaliation; justice about restoring balance.
I was able to see just why, God commands in His word plenty of times to leave vengeance to Him. In our human frailty and sin-natured selves, we could never be just in our vengeance no matter how wronged we may be.
We'd be basically fertilizing ground for the enemy.
God's wrath, judgement, and vengeance is vastly different from ours. Even more paramount, His type of LOVE covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) This part you may not like, but the person or people who've hurt you in someway are loved by God too. I encourage you to think about this for a while and allow God to take these splinters out of your heart.
At the end of the day, we are all broken bricks in desperate need of God's repairs whether we've been hurt by others or have been in the seat of the victimizer.
It's time to come out of our crusty trenches of denial.
We're but a humble prayer away.
Doesn't it seem like Hollywood makes revenge look so good? Some of the greatest box office hits involve people who took matters into their own hands to avenge a wrong or even the death of someone close to them. I have too many of these movies old and new to name that are actually on my personal list of favorites. It's just something about watching the bad guy get what he deserves! Ha!
I believe it was the summer of 2008 when a friends with benefits relationship blew all the way up in my face. This on again, off again situationship had already taken it's toll on me emotionally anyway but I was holding on to it for dear life because in my naivete I was hoping it would work.
Welp, this particular night I got hit in the face with a stop sign and the plug to this dying relationship was pulled. I'd so happen to interject an argument between my situation-bae and his friend. Because my input wasn't in his favor, he turned his sword on me. He went on to say some very hurtful things to me that broke me down so bad.
It was like he'd doused my heart with gasoline and blow torched it. He told me that I was unattractive, I wasn't girlfriend material, and that I came off as weak. Then he made it a point to share that he never saw me as a girlfriend and that he'd actually already had a girlfriend whom was on her way from another state to move in with him permanently.
And when I tell you, I wanted to claw him to shreds. I wanted to bust his head open to the white meat. I knew where all of his knives were in the kitchen because I was always the one washing his dishes! I wanted to get one and stab him in his heart. I was so dizzy with anger, I had no words to throw back at him. I mean what could I say? All of these feelings bombrushed my eyes and flooded down my face. Not only did I feel betrayed by him, I felt betrayed by my emotions. Here I was crying in front of a man who'd just told me, he thought I was weak.
I ran out of his house through the back door and sat on the porch bawling. I felt so stupid. The pit of my soul was boiling in shame and agony. I really wanted him to hurt as much I was hurting at that moment. I thought about how my situation was a perfect recipe to make a sweet episode of Snapped! And I thought, "This is why those women went ape-ish! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He needs to pay for my pain. Because I didn't ask for this!"
But I snapped out of my morose trance and went back inside. Believe it or not, this unfortunate event would be what sparked a light that revealed a path leading me back to God after having been openly estranged from Him for 13 years.
Funny how the proverbial cookie crumbles...
Anyway, though I did not inflict any bodily harm to this man creature, nor did I vandalize his property, go up to his job to pick a fight, or spread nasty rumors about him, (Things I REALLY wanted to do!) I did wake up every day for months spitting venom on his name. I prayed against him prospering in any endeavor. I prayed against his relationship with the girl he moved into his home. I stalked his Facebook page as well as his girlfriend's page, cursing everything.
Guess what happened?
He broke up with his girlfriend and came back to me. He invited me back into his life and the toxic relationship was ON, again. #Tragic I didn't care that I'd not too long ago given my life to God. In my mind, my relationship with God was too fresh for me to give up my relationship with this guy, despite the fact that it was the reason I'd contemplated suicide prior to me making my decision to be with God. Crazy right?
However, my re-entrance into this spiderweb would be short lived. One day I went to see him before going to work, and I don't know what triggered this conversation but he shared with me that he'd met someone at a church he'd joined and he believed he found...his wife!
Have you ever been so angry to the point you started laughing?
That was definitely my internal response.
He told me she was everything he wanted in a wife. She was saved, pretty with long hair, and she was a virgin. My flesh burned with jealousy and rage.
I wanted to rip him to pieces all over again!
That's what I get though. I ordered this tall cold glass of rejection. It was like deja-vu. I woke up every day for almost a year doing the same thing I did the first time he tore my heart out of my chest. I spit venom on his name. I prayed against him prospering in any endeavor. I prayed against his relationship with this little perfect church girl. I stalked his and her Facebook page, cursing everything. I wanted revenge so bad but I was too hurt to really do anything extreme. I still made a ritual out of my dysfunctional witch-like behavior.
Today, I sit here knowing for a fact that my life would be very different had I acted out any physical plots of revenge. Yet just because I didn't do anything physically, I still let my mouth go on a murderous rampage of which I would inevitably reap for later on. Thanks to God's grace and His mercy, my reaping was not nearly as bad as it should have been. I can attest to this, that even though it may seem like people are getting away scot-free for the bad things they've done, they will NOT!
And if you for one second think that getting revenge will make you feel better, it will not! The pain will subside for a minute but it will come back with its own vengeance. Moreover, you will only have set yourself up to reap for what you've done. The saying goes, "Two wrongs will never make a right." That right there is basic mathematics. Take a negative number and add it to another negative number. What will the sum be?
A greater negative number.
Whenever we feel the urge to seek vengeance in any form, we step ahead of God and automatically become hapless beneficiaries of the harsh consequences that come by way of doing such. Of all the promises God laid before us in His word, of all the wonderful things He says we can have and do, we would rather put them on hold for a short stint, to satiate our flesh by avenging more often than not our dead hurt feelings. There are people in jail right now, who lost their precious freedom over revenge.
Just this year alone, I've read news stories of people enacting vengeance on others. I've even seen up and down my newsfeed, friends airing out their supposed friends' dirty laundry, posting screenshots of heated text messages going back and forward, and sharing memes about no longer treating people how you want to be treated, but treating people how they've treated you. For people of the world, this is normal behavior, but a lot of this stuff I see are coming from fellow siblings of Christ.
Just a bunch of broken bricks everywhere!
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you of your sins.
I get it though. This is why I was very transparent in the beginning of this post because I totally get it! Listen to me, one of the most miserable places you can be is in a place where you've allowed an offense to cause you to step outside of yourself and to stoop to low depths to repay a person. I honestly think that people who claim to be believers but are active seekers of revenge do not really have as close of a relationship with God as they believe or even portray.
Real talk, my venomous tongue and thoughts of revenge were not muzzled until I joined the choir at the church I was a member of at that time. I couldn't be a worshiper and a slicked tongue viper at the same time! Because first, I had to become acquainted with the One I was singing about and to, and then I had to memorize the words to these songs I was singing. It was becoming virtually impossible to continue to spit word curses out of my mouth and bless the Lord with the same mouth. So, I transitioned from rehearsing low-key ways to be vengeful, to seeking God for forgiveness!
I was wrong for allowing the dark side of my heart to call the shots. I was wrong for setting spiritual waste fires and boobie-traps around this man's camp. I was engaged in an illegal, unauthorized contract with a man who I was not even exclusively mutual with nor was he my husband and I had the nerve to amplify my victimization.
In this, I turned into a little witch.
Seeking forgiveness would require me to bury these ways.
Then the years to follow I would have a few run ins with my old vengeful self during times where I felt I'd been wronged and I had to immediately send that young lady back to the grave where I buried her! Keeping her buried means that I have to stay hip to hip with God, because since 2008 I've experienced some injustices that would justify ruining LIVES!
Wew chile! BUT GOD!
I read an article by a clinical psychologist and in it he pointed out how, revenge is predominantly emotional; justice primarily rational, revenge is an act of vindictiveness; justice, of vindication, revenge is about cycles; justice about closure and revenge is about retaliation; justice about restoring balance.
I was able to see just why, God commands in His word plenty of times to leave vengeance to Him. In our human frailty and sin-natured selves, we could never be just in our vengeance no matter how wronged we may be.
We'd be basically fertilizing ground for the enemy.
God's wrath, judgement, and vengeance is vastly different from ours. Even more paramount, His type of LOVE covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) This part you may not like, but the person or people who've hurt you in someway are loved by God too. I encourage you to think about this for a while and allow God to take these splinters out of your heart.
At the end of the day, we are all broken bricks in desperate need of God's repairs whether we've been hurt by others or have been in the seat of the victimizer.
It's time to come out of our crusty trenches of denial.
We're but a humble prayer away.
I learned a lot of this in the last few years. I thank God for wisdom, understanding, and being healed and made whole. Hurt people, hurt people. Those who do others wrong do so from a place that needs to be healed. This is why we must love like Christ. This is why we must realized it is NOT the person, but the spirit that the person carries. Instead of getting offended and vengeful, we should pray for them for healing, deliverance, and salvation.
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