When A Man Findeth...

 Proverbs 18:22 

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."


Current mood:

I have some splendid news! Last week one of my colleagues was inspired to restart her blog after almost 4 years! I'd been trying to get her to do this since we'd met. Nothing like picking up something you left behind and realizing it's one of the things that you've always needed. 

That sounds like a word.

Then one of my homeboys called me on Valentine's day and solicited my wisdom for proposing to his long time girlfriend. He was a little nervous about what her response might be. I basically told him that he needed to prepare himself more to be emotionally and mentally available for her once they say, "I do." As opposed to trying to brace himself for rejection. I also informed him that marriage does nothing but magnify what has and hasn't been dealt with prior to a couples' nuptials and exposes anything that has been hidden, so God needs to be at the forefront always. 

This was among the other nuggets I'd shared. 

Welp, right before midnight that day, he texted me and told me she said, "Yes!" 

I'm so happy because their union is the last union out of my close connections that I saw transpiring in a vision a few years ago.

Dope right? 

Anyway, my current mood is mixed with celebration and a high dose of unbotheredness.

I hurt some people's feelings last week with my last post, "Waiting on Superman." 

But I make no apologies, since I set it up that way. 

Needless to say, I realize weird things happen when you start coming for ancient idols. 

That's OK. I ain't never ran from a devil and I darn sure ain't about to pick today to start running! 

I'm covered! 

Here's what I want to make clear, if you desire marriage, that's beautiful. 

Simply beautiful.

If you idolize it, and you're a believer, then we have ourselves a problem. 

When your heart, mind, and soul is pure, you will have a healthy perspective on everything including marriage. You need not worry about being pulled away from God by lies, fairytales, and fantasies. 

On the other hand, if either of those things are soggy with internal corruption and impurities, then you will not have a healthy perspective about anything including marriage. 

At the end of the day, perverted vessels produce perverted perspectives. Believers with perverted perspectives make themselves ferociously entitled to complementaries that are not necessarily promised and leave themselves very much open to be bamboozled by the schemes and scams of hell.

Also, you're not going to win any kind of shiny award (like a wedding ring) for being a virgin and you're not going to receive any certificates of completion every year you choose to abstain if you were once sexually active. 

If you paid anybody any kind of money to tell you that, I give you permission to find the receipt and go get your money back! 

Listen to me, will ya? Jesus died to atone for our sins, to free us from condemnation, to reconcile us to God, and to give us life and that more abundantly. All of these physical/material blessings are just additives and not necessarily obligated to us or guaranteed. 

This, is what I wanted readers to understand last week. 

Yet, I'm starting to believe that, many believers don't completely believe that SALVATION is enough. 

And that right there, is absolutely frightening. 

I then must ask, if this is the case for you, "Why did you say YES to God?" 

Hold that thought for a moment as we segue way into another conversation. 

I remember some odd years back I believe it was a Sunday morning that I scrolled upon a status of an associate where the concept of this scripture was brought up, argued, and debated; Proverbs 18:22 

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." 

Some years prior to that this scripture intrigued me so much so my first novel was originally titled, 

WHEN A MAN FINDETH.

But my literary mentor vehemently encouraged me to change that. 

Hence Tears of Kings.

Anywho, I saw the passion better yet the EMOTIONS in some of the comments underneath this status. I remember wanting to go in and shut that thing down! But I opted out of it because I wasn't really mature enough at that time to handle anyone's emotional sentiments. 

Instead, I would go on to write an exposé on it later and shared it to keep from pulling my hair out. 

And then I forgot all about it. 

Well, this exposé conveniently waltzed through my mind a few days ago, when I stumbled upon a relationship post someone else posted and the comments were lighting up with this particular scripture. 

My homeboy actually mentioned this scripture too when he called me about his intentions to marry his girlfriend. 

My God! I wanted to pull my hair out from the roots all over again! 

So here's that exposé completely un-tweaked from July 2015:

"He who finds..."

FIND (Webster)

1. To discover or perceive by chance or unexpectedly.

"Lindsey looked up to find Neil watching her"

synonyms: discover, become aware, realize, observe, notice, note, perceive, learn

"you'll find that it's a lively area"

2. recognize or discover (something) to be present.

synonyms: be (present), occur, exist, be existent, appear

FIND (Hebrew Translation)

Matsa- maat-suh, attain to

FIND (NASB Translation)

Handed, delivered, reached, secured, located, reaped

Those definitions alone could plead this case I'm building without delving further but I want to go deeper!

Genesis says that in the beginning God made man, caused him to go to sleep and made woman. When Adam woke up, he FOUND a creature LIKE HIM. Mind you, he'd been the administrator over Eden for some time after he was formed from the dusts of the earth when God said it was not good for him to be alone. Alone meaning, without companion, without someone he could relate to, without someone who UNDERSTOOD HIS LANGUAGE.

Using some of the definitions of FIND in place of the word the picture broadens, 

"He who becomes aware of, realizes, notices, perceives by chance;.a wife..."

I stopped there for a reason, A WIFE is not a woman that has been proposed to, walked down the aisle, and said I DO. Eve didn't need to do none of that to be Adam's WIFE. She had to be PULLED from him, molded and fashioned for him, and presented to him! Wife is not a title. It is a STATUS in the kingdom! Adam NAMED her WOMAN, God CALLED her WIFE--->>WOMAN FOR LIFE. She was not to be categorized or grouped in with the rest of the beasts and creeping things in the garden OR the earth. Do you hear me? And Adam immediately knew this because 

she LOOKED LIKE HIM! She was in rare form, human, like him!

How long was Adam asleep after the creation of WOMAN? Who knows, but we do know that it says that on the 7th day, the Lord rested. So THAT means, God did not rest until 

ADAM RECOGNIZED EVE! Shucks NOW!

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing..."

This is simple, in Psalm 84:11 it says, "No good thing will I withhold from those who walk uprightly." EVE was automatically classified as a good thing because everything God created in Genesis was recorded as GOOD. ADAM was automatically qualified for that GOOD thing because he was working the kingdom as God commanded. 

How can you NOT be upright when you're rocking with God tough like that? If he was walking as a representative of God, Adam oughta been able to recognize what was GOOD and pleasing to the Lord! Stop playing and come on somebody! Don't shout me now!

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and the Lord adds favor to his life."

Because Adam was alone, or as we learned earlier without a like companion, without someone to relate to, without someone who spoke or understood his language, he knew no FAVOR. The perfect definition for favor, I found to epitomize my stance was this: 

gift bestowed as a token of goodwill, kind regard, love, <<<----- LOOK---->>> LOVE!!!!

Adam only knew working the garden and carrying out his role as sole champion for dominion and authority in the kingdom. That is all. He knew OF love through God breathing in his nostrils. But he didn't KNOW LOVE. God created Eve for Adam so that he would KNOW LOVE. 

And he would receive the ultimate gift or token of goodwill through LOVE-MAKING with her.

Moreover God said, "I will make a help-meet suitable for him." Eve was created to HELP Adam MEET the goals defined only under his role as a champion for dominion and authority in the kingdom! And that's what the token of goodwill through LOVE-MAKING would reward him for. 

No, Woman was not created to be a SEX object! She was created to encourage the man's right standing with God and servitude through God, adding to him the joy and peace of knowing he would never be alone in the kingdom again! 

Can you dig it? Have I lost you? I hope not! 

Read this a few times to GET FOUND! Ok? Lol (no pun intended)

So, I've held you long enough, I close this prose with the exhausted and prayerfully, rightly divided word of truth.

Proverbs 18:22

He who reaps, becomes aware of and secures the creature who has a higher status than the other creatures of the earth, that is his like companion, that he can relate to, that knows and understands his language, will discover what God considers good because he walks with Him. And He will then know love (agape) and continue to have complete dominion and authority over the earth as he creates and experiences love (agape) with her throughout his entire life.

This is the Ultimate Tanzyfied version. 

________

The end!

________

Just rereading this did something to my soul! Where most (I myself was once included in that number) have interpreted this scripture as one that relatively showcases and validates man's mandate to pursue a woman and used to admonish women for even speaking to or acknowledging men of their interest, 

I beg to differ. 

It's a prepossessing image of what it looks when a man is in right standing with God and has a healthy perspective. He's able to recognize a divine complement to his assignment which is to subdue the earth with dominion and authority. 

Does this make any sense at all?

Alright, you guys know how I like to put myself on the chopping block. Here it goes. 

It was the summer of one of my earlier years as a saved woman of God. I was attending bible study at a previous church I'd belong to. As I was preparing my belongings to leave, someone caught my eye. I'm going to call him Mr Sunshine McDreamy. 

He was not a stranger at all. We'd known each other cordially for a while but lost touch. 

I definitely was not expecting to see him at my church.

I walked up to him and happily greeted him. We embraced and chatted briefly. I don't recall if I asked him of all the churches he could have went to, how on earth did it he end up where I was? I just remember introducing him to my pastor and first lady. They absolutely adored him. My first lady, actually cried because she said he reminded her of their son who was in the army at that time. 

Of course we chose to remain connected. We talked on the phone literally about God and the word. We would have our own bible studies. He was very passionate about God. It was amazing. I wanted to share his passion. I wanted to be hungry like him. So I was eager to study the word with him. He would accompany me to my Bible 101 classes on Saturdays that were held at my church. I would visit his church for bible study. There was one time someone chastised me and told me I wasn't saved because I didn't speak in tongue. 

I was still a babe, I didn't know what speaking in tongues meant. I was crushed. 

But I immediately called McDreamy, balling. You know what he did? He washed me with the word of God. Reassuring me that I was saved and educated me on the gift of speaking in tongues. 

I loved him with my soul. I felt safe with him. 

But I got too comfortable with myself around him. 

One day, he offered to assist me with grocery shopping after inquiring about my plans for the day. 

When that errand was complete, he asked if he could take a quick nap and I permitted him. 

Then I joined him. 

As they would say, one thing led to another. 

We got hot and heavy. We managed to stop ourselves though before it went too far. 

After that, he ghosted me. 

He would no longer return my calls or texts. I would not see him at my church. He would no longer join me for bible study on the phone nor the Saturday bible 101 classes at my church. A few weeks would pass. It was July 4th. And I decided to call him one more time. 

He answered, 

The conversation was short. It wasn't like the sweet and innocent childlike musings we'd not too long been engaged in. It basically ended with him telling me that he believed it was best that we did not attempt moving forward to pursue a relationship. 

I was devastated. Because he didn't explain why he'd come to this conclusion, I beat myself up a lot for not practicing self-control the day that everything changed. 

I assumed this had to be the case.

 To make it worse, about a year or so later, he announced via social media that he was engaged. 

A part of my heart stayed burnt for a while.  My eyes weren't really opened until I received this revelation in Proverbs 18:22. As harsh as the truth is, at that particular point and stage that I was in, 

I can conclude he didn't recognize me as a wife. 

No shade to him. No slight to me. 

I saw him as a husband and I will be honest, I did not consider nor carried myself as a wife. 

More so like an exuberant girlfriend. 

Us slipping up only magnified our emotional and spiritual incompatibility. 

Looking back now, I can extend some solace to my old me because I understand completely why what happened, happened. Now, could the situation have been handled better, I believe so. Still doesn't negate that fact that this man was able to recognize the babe in Christ that I was but not someone suitable for him to help meet the goals of his assignment. 

Look here, only a matured person can swallow that. 

Needless to say, Proverbs 18:22 is not even a template or directive for marriage. 

It's like a divine advertisement for one of God's most cherished methods to bestow favor to man. 

Taking nothing away from the brevity of this beloved scripture because with proper perspective it still can be a great resource, we mustn't forget a truth that far supersedes it. 

The greatest most cherished method God uses to bestow favor to man, is Jesus! 

This was accomplished at the cross. For God so loved the world, John 3:16 says, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life! 

*Quickening* 

As I stated in my last post, I don't know the mathematics for how exactly does God eventually connect two souls together for a matrimonial setting. 

However, it's a mystery that we shouldn't exhaust too much of our energy towards. 

 I am though, persuaded and well acquainted with the signet ring He places on those who have been washed and dressed with the blood of His son. His favorite. 

That right there, is something spectacular.