Trauma Bonds

2 Corinthians 6:16

What agreement can exist between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people.

I don't think I've ever actually made it clear that I set this blog up as a literary confessional for myself; the ex-atheist and ex-heathen. So when I share my stories, it's not in an effort to bring attention to me at all. But to put an old version of myself on blast as I find correlations with whatever topic I'm discussing and to show how scriptures can be applied to real life situations. 

The last couple of years of my journey in God has involved me challenging what I believe via the scriptures to bring some clarity to events I've experienced in the past. 

It's been quite an adventure folks. 

I really hope you all have been blessed by my candor. 

With that being said, I am partly the byproduct of these investigations. However, I wouldn't be able to do any of this if I weren't first delivered. I've discovered that you shouldn't attempt to squeeze wisdom from a pain place you've yet to be delivered from. 

Why, that wouldn't be wise. 

The problem surfaces when we make conjectures from our circumstances of which we have not been delivered from or have no desire to walk out God's prescriptions of deliverance. 

Oh how unreliable and dysfunctional! 

Even still for me, this means I'm continuously evolving while I act as my own private investigator coming across new developments. 

I felt like I needed to share this, just in case somebody was wondering. 

Moving right along. I recently went over the dynamics of my past relationships with people both romantic and platonic to determine which ones were trauma bonds. 

I found out that all of my romantic relationships were convoluted situationships carrying no value and only were engaged to serve as a temporary pain reliever for my rejection and self esteem issues. 

My past platonic relationships were less dramatic yet I was able to notice that overall, a decent percentage of these relationships were trauma bonds. 

Trauma bonds are unhealthy soul ties. I know some believers have a hard time wrapping their mind around the validity of soul ties only because there is very little scriptural evidence to corroborate the concept. 

I understand that perspective. 

However, every time I attempt to accept that view and not consider any other, I can't help but to be reminded of two particular scriptures. 

Mark 10:8 says, "and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh." 

This was Jesus' description of what will transpire when a man leaves his mother and father to be united with his wife.  

That's a romantic soul tie. 

Then, in 1 Samuel 18:1 it says, "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. ... Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul." 

That's a platonic soul tie. 

Romantic soul ties, are established through the communing of flesh and flesh. Or in other words sexual bonding. 

Platonic soul ties are established through the communing of spirit and spirit. 

Unhealthy romantic soul ties are created when sex is engaged outside of its context, premaritally. And/or through trauma. 

Unhealthy platonic soul ties are most often birthed through some form of trauma. 

Now that we've gotten that part clear, I was speaking on my past encounters with others and the unhealthy soul ties I can clearly trace back to an origin of trauma. 

A trauma bond is another weapon of mass destruction that the enemy likes to use since it impedes mobility and spiritual growth, and corrupts identities. 

It is impossible for anything to progress and grow if trauma is surrounding it. And it is impossible for someone to maintain any true semblance of self if he or she is trauma bonded with another soul.

Trauma is like the tare (weeds) that chokes the wheat. 

Ordained Godly relationships, are supposed to sharpen and act as a source for accountability among other valuable reasons. Trauma bonds can't do nothing but rehash and fellowship around old festering wounds. 

Matthew 18:20 

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

I've acknowledged that I can be a bit insatiable with an addictive personality. As of late, God's been aggressively dealing with me about these things of course so that I may be completely delivered. It's been a process. I'm all for it though. If it results in me avoiding the types of traps I've fallen into prior, 

then by all means. 

When I say insatiable and addictive, I mean, it has taken a lot to quench my appetite. It's like I'm never satisfied. I always feel like there's more of something even after I meet a goal or get what I've been aiming toward. I can never truly celebrate my wins either. 

Now this may not sound like a problem. But let me show you how it has morphed into one. 

It has caused me to latch on for dear life to people, places, and ideas where I've become extremely co-dependent. Losing all self awareness, self confidence, and self value. 

Ultimately, resulting in the criminalizing of my uniqueness and destabilization of my core.

God has been shifting this personality trait of mine and my appetites. Making them more holy because to be in a place where I want more of Him and nothing else, is an actual blissful and safe place to be. It's like He's pumping my spiritual stomach to purge out toxic coping mechanisms and various other issues shaping my personality and controlling my appetites. 

Where did these issues come from you ask? Childhood trauma. 

Harassed by vivid images of being molested before I could talk. 

Growing up living in lack and poverty. 

Always having the bare minimum or never having enough of anything. 

On top of emotional deprivation. 

Don't get me wrong, my parents worked with what they had to raise me and my two siblings. 

But this actually meant though, that in most cases it wasn't enough.

Imagine as an adult, looking for an antidote to this. Can't tell you how many rabbit holes I've run into and almost dying trying to find it. You know the saying, 

"Looking for love in all the wrong places?" Welp, that was me. 

As a result of my scavenger hunting, I would pick up more trauma. 

Thus attracting more trauma bonds. The weirdest thing I noticed is that a traumatized person will gravitate to another traumatized person primarily to be accepted and understood, not necessarily to be healed. 

Or confusing acceptance and understanding with healing. 

Listen, just because a person accepts and understands you in your trauma, doesn't mean they can assist in ushering you into deliverance and healing. 

Doesn't mean they even have the capacity to do such. 

*Sidenote* Be careful who you express your vulnerabilities to. Everybody doesn't have good intentions. Survey their fruit first before you open up to them. Some only want to know your weaknesses to maintain a level of superiority over you. As well as to air you out later if you so happen to "get out of line," or progress further than them.

Hear me on today! 

I've earned a whole tracksuit with this one. 

Anyway, if there is a such thing as unhealthy soul ties that can look like trauma bonds, I would like to share that there is an antithesis. 

Divine covenants. 

Healing makes the difference between the two. Trauma bonds are where you're swapping wounds and comparing stories by constantly rehearsing the traumatic event(s) that occurred. 

Divine covenants are when you get naked (transparent) before each other and go over your scars. Where you're like, "Wow how did you get this and get over that? 

"Oh wow, how are you dealing with this?" "Have you found a source for your healing?" 

"Is there anyway I can help you?" "Would you like me to walk with you through this?" 

Trauma bonds host secrets and triggers. Divine covenants cover vulnerabilities and search for healthy methods to deactivate triggers. Trauma bonded individuals are stuck in survival mode and glued to people by fear. Divine covenants are strengthened by the degree of each person's evolution and graduation into wholeness. 

Trauma bonds promote the idolatry of victimhood. Divine covenants foster quantum leaps into victors' hood. 

Can you see this? 

This should actually spark you to start going over what kind of relationships you're in right now. It is God's desire that we be attracted to and inclined to participate in divine covenants over trauma bonds because believe it or not it's divine covenants that are actually a way He extends grace to people. God honors covenants. He blesses covenants. 

Divine covenants between His children gives Him glory. 

I foresee in the very near future, a shake up and a shake down in the relationship department period. Trauma bonds are the devil's playground and they must be severed. 

They will be severed by the elements of simply a change in seasons. 

The end of September in my birthday video, I mentioned about a massive shift taking place. This shift is happening right now. It's going to most definitely reveal the nature of a lot of relationships that have been held together superficially like those of trauma bonds. 

The order will be, if you can't be whole and productive together, then you must depart from one another. 

And as some bonds will be severed, divine covenants will be birthed. 

Some things have to fall apart so that other things can come together.

Sounds so good. Don't you agree? Ha!

Hear me, God is in the mood for divine covenants because divine covenants can cover more territory and get more done. 

This is romantically and platonically. 

Relationships are a big deal to God. 

A lot of major moves were made in the Bible through divine covenants. Just consider all of the covenants God made with man. (Abraham, Noah, Moses, and David)

Today is no different. 

This means people must begin to start confronting their issues. I believe it was early summer when I shared with another audience, that whatever you are unwilling to confront in one season, will show up in the next. Welp, that thing whatever it is, is BACK! And it's going to expose itself in various areas including these trauma bonds. 

 I hate to be the bearer of bad news. 

But then again...it is what it is. 

I pray you can handle it. 

And no worries, whatever vulnerabilities were exchanged in order to keep the trauma bonds alive will be protected by God's grace if you're willing to move in tandem with this shift. 

In the meantime in between time, why don't we evoke the presence of God and get ourselves ready for whatever will be revealed in the coming days.