It's something about walking into your church home and out of nowhere it just seems like suddenly you end up feeling a whole lot better than when you first walked in. WELL, that was not the case on this past Sunday, not initially. (Lol) If you all read my last post When the Candle Loses Its Fire you might have recalled me being a little disturbed in my spirit, somewhat conflicted, and on the verge of exiling myself from all that I have been called to do to give God the ultimate glory. Moreover I was mourning bad in my sufferings. So a few days passed and I was STILL in my bald-headed feelings and when Sunday came, I wasn't really in nobody's mood to celebrate Easter. So I'm here... at church, in my feelings, waiting for somebody to rub me the wrong way. (Really?) Yes chile, I was ready!
Once I'd partook in the regular routines of the morning, I was ready to teach Sunday school for the 4-8 year old children. (Keep reading, cuz it's about to go DOWN!) This is when things started to get HECTIC! As the 9:15 hour started to creep its way to the 10 o'clock hour, I slowly but surely no longer felt like a Sunday school teacher but a babysitter. I no longer felt like an authority figure over a class but an overseer for a zoo full of baby monkeys screaming my name all at once! (close to 18 monkeys to be exact) Then to top it off I was constantly being interrupted by people knocking on my door to say, "Could you hurry up with the kids, they have doughnuts and drinks downstairs." But no one ONCE came to help me with them!
I was beyond LIVID! I told the kids we had to go. They were eager only because it meant they would be given a chance to pray. (precious right?) But only three could pray because the people on the outside of my class were bamming on my door like zombies in a scary movie. I released the kids and shouted "I QUIT!" This was the straw that broke the camel's back. The catalyst for my meltdown. The PANIC to my ATTACK! I rushed through the crowds of NewEasterOutfitThirsty people to run to the bathroom and cry but instead I ran into a clogged bathroom with MORE NewEasterOutfitThirsty people. So I ran out of the bathroom to go back upstairs, flopped in a chair, and said with all intention, "I hate Easter."
A fellow choir member said "You don't mean that. That's not nice to say." I grumbled back at her something evil and she responded, "Why are you so negative?" And that my friends is when the Jericho Wall came tumbling down. I cried. Two more of my sisters came over and ministered to me and all I could hear while they were talking was God saying, "What's the sense of crying to them if you won't cry to me?" And then He said "Cry me a river."
Shortly after giving Him my voice in the choir, I gave Him my ears to hear the word through my pastor. And boy did I get my life! Basically God showed me that I wasn't alone, in my feelings of depression, anxiety, isolation, lack of appreciation, and loneliness. So I gave Him my tears too! Before I left, I was given a letter that I was being nominated for one of our church's Women of Excellence Awards, which I felt was God's way of kissing me on the cheek.You see last week I focused my frustrations on everybody else but myself. And when it was time to talk it out with God I went to everybody else but Him! (He was NOT feeling that!) He had to turn the eye on the stove so high to get me to scream "JESUS, WHERE YOU AT?" (Lol)
So I am happy to inform to you all that I am no longer mourning in my sufferings! I'll be REJOICING in my suffering....when Sunday comes.
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