Sitting here thinking about a promise God made me last year. He told me, that I wouldn't have to fight anymore. In the voice of Sophia from The Color Purple, "All my life I had to fight." Lol My fights weren't physical though. They were all emotional. Fighting to fit in. Fighting to be accepted. Fighting biased assumptions. Fighting jealousy. Fighting systems that were designed to make me feel inferior, insecure, and incompetent. Figthing to prove that I was normal even though I knew in my heart I wasn't. Fighting my greatness.
I suffered huge bouts of depression because I would purposely suffocate any aspect of my peculiarity, I did this to keep from being rejected. I experienced medium levels of abandonment too. Just imagine shelling out a high dosage of patience for a flawed individual but when it's time for this person to do the same for you, they leave you. They leave you naked, cold, and confused. So I expressed very little emotions. I remained objective. If I expressed happiness, it was perpetrated. It was never really authentic. But my anger and sorrow was real. So real my heart grew bitter and cold. I kept people at bay. I trusted no one and I was suspicious of everyone. Can somebody tell me if this is an ideal way to live? NO! It is not. Which is why God made that promise to me. "You're not going to have to fight anymore."
I got angry with God one day though. One day in prayer after having a very rough day, I told God, "You're not being completely honest with me. You told me I wouldn't have to fight anymore. Why does it feel like I'm still fighting?" It wasn't until I felt God literally shifting my heart in His direction that I realized I was being purged! I was being detoxified. Yes, it was true I was still fighting, but I learned that when you allow God to purge you, you will become very vulnerable to all sorts of attacks. And you will be targeted from multiple areas.
2 Chronicles 20:15
"Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's."
During this purge, Numbers 23:19 came to life! "God is not a man that He should lie..." OMG! Yes, I was still fighting but He made me realize that these fights I were in were not my fights after all. Fighting to fit in? Why? When I made you to stand out. Psssssh! He shifted my perspective in regards to the reason the fights even existed!
Listen, you don't have to prove anything with anybody when you choose to walk in the uniform God gave you! When you choose to be unapologetically you. When you choose to be that person God created you to be. This is why the battle is NOT YOURS! You don't have to fight anything that has nothing to do with you! The only fight you should consume yourself with is the GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH! That fight is inevitable. Yep, you will experience some push back, only because a lot of people are afraid to BE THEMSELVES! A lot of people are comfortable pretending they are something they are not! They would prefer the wider road of familiarity and popularity rather than the road less traveled! So when someone like your strange anomalistic self comes around, you make the pretenders uncomfortable. You don't have to contend with them though. The battle is NOT YOURS!
I leave you with this, 2015 is the year you DECLARE INDEPENDANCE and find your dependance in GOD and Him only! At the end of the day, you will have to answer to Him as to why you're not operating in your true identity. Stop worrying about what other people will think when you decide to stand up for your true self. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Be firm, be fierce, be confident, and be bold! Stop accepting abuse and petty nonsense! Stop hiding who you are to make other people comfortable! Accept the person God created you to be ENTIRELY! And if anybody has a problem with this and want to react by giving you flack, know, THE BATTLE IS NOT YOURS!
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